Two possibilities exist

January 21, 2020

2020. Hopefully this year can bring more meaning and a lot of things to be grateful. I am not sure, but the conclusion that I've been learning about life this long is, how we can appreciate every part of it. So, as long as we are still exist in this world, that long we also need to be grateful. With every breath I exhale, I try my best to be a good person in that term.

Well, hi peeps! Welcome.

I will start this writing by providing information that I was born and grew up in a different city from where I live now. It makes me more or less understand that each place has its own characteristics. We learned and developed from diverse families, lesson by lesson, and some treatments from the environment have shaped us. I am grateful to be born and raised in a nice family and also in a tight circle that usually makes people feel comfortable and do not want to go out to just see another circle. Probably the last one was not a good point. I know. But I know better that time plays its role so well.
I began to see the circles around, then finally entered to join them. The results were amazing, I have met many strong people. People who could smile sweetly behind the limitations they had. One of the most often I met was, street children who dropped out of school because of economic factors, and some of them were separated from parents, also did not have a permanent place to live.
At the same time I thought "How many things I have complained in this world, how many things I was not grateful for when I saw the wider world, how much time and energy I have wasted before. During this time, I wanna get anything instantly, a thing that makes me feel very disappointed when everything is far from my expectation. Moreover, I often to blame around and cursing myself when I faced a failure.
I don't know, but some questions came to me and asked me to find out the answer. Why do we always seem rushed in our achievement? What exactly do we want to pursue? At this time, what are we preparing? For everything we do in present. Is this in the context of preparing death, or life?
Well, the words that appear in this paper come when I kept awake in the middle of the night. Wild thoughts began to appear and tried to seize my attention brutally. One after one came and convinced me that they are the most appropriate thing to appear in my mind at that time. By showing each other's strengths, one by one falling down in the middle of the road till the only remained just "life and death". I don't know, but they always managed to steal my attention.
The climax is, when a neighbor in my old house passed away. Someone who took care of me when I was child, someone who I considered as my own parents. During her life, she always shared stories that made us happy, she also often helped the others. Without fear of lacking something, she still smiled, even when hit by disaster. "In this life, we will never know what lies ahead. Just do it and spread the good, the rest will be His business". I miss her figure so bad. One agreed, we will be very easy to remember and miss someone when they are not here anymore.
Long before my neighbor, my friend passed away not long after she achieved her bachelor's degree due to illness. She was young, beautiful and full of enthusiasm. We had exchanged news shortly from that day. Everything seemed fine, until I heard about her news. So do not be surprised if I was very surprised to hear the news that time.
Yes, I think, we will never know, who will go first and how meaningful our lives will be. How much more can we enjoy this life? I don't know, day to day, I feel the time is getting closer. Evaluation. Maybe that's what I need now. I have to answer all questions for myself. I am afraid I do not prepare my death, and only prepared my life. I am afraid that if I am no more in this world, I leave a lot of debt to all who had been come in my life. Friends, parents and anyone else.
At this moment, maybe the only capital I have is time. So that, I try as hard as I can to spend the rest wisely. Always. I want to share more of my time with them, as a form of appreciation for their existence in my life. Sending text for those who are far away, and sharing stories for the near ones. I believe, I still have so many words to share with them until the end of time. At the very least, when I leave, I have no longer words that don't get delivered, and vice versa. So I am very open to be invited to meet.

Well, People who have left first, now begin a new life with all the preparations. Us? We are waiting for the turn while finalizing the preparations. Either it's Preparing for Death, or Life.***

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2 comments

No regret, please. Thanks!